


It smells like buttcrack in this chat 😿🥶🥶💔‼️

by Kura_piika



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: AO - Freeform, Bisexual Male Character, Chatting & Messaging, Chrollo is either chainuserwoman-sexual or spidersexual, Gay Killua Zoldyck, Gon is a furry roleplayer but shh don’t tell anyone, Group chat, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Humor, Some characters ooc for comedic effect, Texting, bisexual Leorio Paladiknight, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28586709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kura_piika/pseuds/Kura_piika
Summary: [Ronaldmcdonald] ; omg my unripened fruit number 4.......... ~~~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 wanna see a surprise my dear?[chain mom] ; hell no. I don’t want another picture of you schwing-ing hisoka I swear to god
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 17
Kudos: 119





	1. Leorio’s Crusty dusty death bed ☠️☠️🥶

**Author's Note:**

> Username Index  
> “ Crusty fuggin grandpa” - Leorio  
> “ Lightning mcking” - Killua  
> “ dirt eating 1st grader” - Gon  
> “chain mom” - Kurapika  
> “Ronaldmcdonald” - Hisoka  
> “IlluminatiGoldbrick” - Illumi  
> “christianspidergod” - chrollo

* * *

[User ‘ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; WHO SET MY USERNAME I WILL FIGHVJCI

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; SPEAK UP. RN. BE A MAN!!

[User ‘ **Lightning mcking** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; 🥰🥰 guess who

[User ‘ **dirt eating 1st grader** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; Killua!! Thut nu noice!!!!😾😾😾😾😾☠️🎃🤖🎃🎃🎃

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; shit. I think gon forgot how to not speak like an illiterate 12 year old. Wait nvm I forgot he is one

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; fuck it. _**@chain mom**_ ya like older guys 😏

[user ‘ **chain mom** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **chain mom** ] ; i have balls

[ **chain mom** ] ; also my apologies, I’d rather not date someone akin to the burnt toaster strudel I ate this morning

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; HELL YA

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; MOM’S ON MY SIDE. TAKE THAT, OLD MAN.

[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; nya uwu~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; guys hold on I think he’s malfunctioning again

[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; sorry guys!!!!!!!! Hisoka got my phone he’s so silly idk he knocked on my window like 5 minutes ago and I let him in

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; HISOKA???

[ **chain mom** ] ; GON, NO. GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THAT DISTASTEFUL MAN AS YOU CAN. 

[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; he said he’s lonely tho :(((( let’s give him a chance, I’m sure he’ll behave this time!

[User **‘dirt eating 1st grader** ’ has _added_ user ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ to the group chat.]

[User ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[User ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ has _added_ user ‘ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ’ to the group chat.]

[ **Ronaldmcdonald** ] ; ❤️❤️

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; oh my god it’s a homosexual

[ **chain mom** ] ; Killua you literally are a homosexual

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; shut up femboy hooters no one asked you

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; woah woah woAH DONT talk to your mother like that!!

[ **chain mom** ] ; again I have balls

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; don’t you have a date with your life alert right now?

[User ‘ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ] ; kil come home

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; lmfao gotta dip

[User ‘ **Lightning mcking** ’ is now _offline_.]

[User ‘ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ’ is now _offline_. ]

[ **chain mom** ] ; it’s not like his brother can virtually grab him. I don’t see how you could still hold such a grudge over a screen. Then again, it is the Zoldyck family. They’re sus

[ **Ronaldmcdonald** ] ; omg my unripened fruit number 4.......... ~~~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 wanna see a surprise my dear?

[ **chain mom** ] ; hell no. I don’t want another picture of you schwing-ing hisoka I swear to god

[User ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ has _added_ ‘ **christianspidergod** ’ to the group chat.]

[User ‘ **Christianspidergod** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; hey mamas 😏 love ur eyes praise god

[ **chain mom** ] ; _**fuck**_

* * *


	2. Simp Chrollo 🙄🙄

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [IlluminatiGoldbrick] ; This chat sadly leads a bad taste in my mouth... And I’d like to call it the effects of idiocy. Is this what the saying of “Hanging in the wrong crowd” tends to be? If so, Kil, come home. Your friends are obviously a bad influence. 
> 
> [Lightning mcking] ; fuck off bubble guppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! So, , I made a kofi! If anyone would like to support me and/or see more of my work, that would be amazing! I also do commissions , which you can find there. Here’s the link, https://ko-fi.com/kurapiika
> 
> Also, sorru guys, gon isn’t in this chapter . ;( he’s probably too innocent to understand a thing they’re saying.

[User ‘ **Christianspidergod** ’ is now online. Say Hi!]

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; day 47 of asking this really hot chain user woman out to dinner

[User ‘ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **Crusty fuggjn grandpa** ] ; AYO🔊THATS🔊A🔊DUDE🔊

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; So you’re telling me, I got trap’d?

[user ‘ **chain mom** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **chain mom** ] ; Precisely. You simp, stop dming me pics of you laying shirtless

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; AYO???

[User ‘ **Lightning mcking** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; AYO?????? SIMP ALERT???

[User ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[ **Ronaldmcdonald** ] ; Oh dear...~ Who knew you had such a side. Simp. ❤️

[User ‘ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ] ; Hisoka, First of all, you act the exact same way. I’m afraid you cannot speak on such terms, can you?

[ **Ronaldmcdonald** ] ; Oh, That only means I know a true simp when I see one. Let’s say... I know my stuff.~

[ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ] ; Also you send me the exact same pictures.

[User ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ is now _Offline_.]

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; AHAHAH IM SOBBING HE DIPPED WHEN HE GOT CALLED OUT I CANT WITG TGIS GC

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; Also Chrollo been real quiet 

[ **Christianspidergod** ] ; hot damn I just wanted me some chain woman yall fake 4 that 

[ **chain mom** ] ; inhales

[ **chain mom** ] ; How many more times may I must tell you these words, formed by the English lexicon created by the Phoenicians, which is a Semitic form of writing developed in Egypt between 1800 and 1900 BC? I will assure you, Chrollo Lucilfer, also known as クロロ゠ルシルフル, Kuroro Rushirufuru, and Quwrof Wrlccywrlfh, I am not among the female category and therefore not associated. Despite my androgynous looks that come to be more to the feminine side, I contain male anatomy. I cannot give birth to Homo sapiens as the such. Are you satisfied with yourself? With my answer? Good. Because it is a no, and will continue to be a no.

[ **Christianspidergod** ] ; damn mamas

[ **Christianspidergod** ] ; you still got nice honkers tho

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; Please spare Coochie

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; Srry meant to send that to pika’s dms

  
[ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ] ; This chat sadly leads a bad taste in my mouth... And I’d like to call it the effects of idiocy. Is this what the saying of “Hanging in the wrong crowd” tends to be? If so, Kil, come home. Your friends are obviously a bad influence. 

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; fuck off bubble guppy

[User ‘ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ’ has _changed_ ‘ **IlluminatiGoldbrick** ’ ‘s username to ‘ **bubble guppy** ’]

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; LMFSOO OLD MAN THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY TIME I LIKE YOU RN I CANT BELIEVE YOU HAD THE BALLS TO DO THAT

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; Only time??? 😿

[ **bubble guppy** ] ; In which way would you like to die today? Mutilated with the blade of a dull knife or tortured with a slow electric saw?

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; oh fu

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; pika a lil help here how do I fend off an angry fishy guppy 

[ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ] ; NO IM MAKING IT WORSE

[User ‘ **Chain mom** ’ has _changed_ ‘ **Crusty fuggin grandpa** ’ ‘s username to ‘ **doctor stupid** ’]

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; OH YOU’RE GONNA GET IT NOW!!!

[user ‘ **doctor stupid** ’ has _changed_ ‘ **Chain mom** ’ ‘s username to ‘ **blonde ice cream twink** ’]

[ **blonde ice cream twink** ] ; Illumi, should we discuss murder plans?

[ **bubble guppy** ] ; yes. over Starbucks?

[ **blonde ice cream twink** ] ; over Starbucks.

[User ‘ **HisokaMorrow** ’ has successfully _privately messaged_ ‘ **ChrolloLucilfer** ’.]

@ **HisokaMorrow** ; So...~

@ **ChrolloLucilfer** ; I’m taken 

@ **HisokaMorrow** ; Wow, who knew you would jump to conclusions against poor me...~ no worries, I will not be attempting to flirt, if that’s what you’re saying.~

@ **HisokaMorrow** ; though out of curiosity...~ by who?~ is there a secret loved one I’ve been missing out on the chance of meeting?

@ **ChrolloLucilfer** ; Ah, no. I only said that for you to leave me alone. 

@ **HisokaMorrow** ; You pain me, dear spider... Anyways, do you know what I’m thinking?

@ **ChrolloLucilfer** ; Disguising ourselves and watching the ones we favor from afar while they enjoy their starbucks Lattes?

@ **HisokaMorrow** ; Oh... You know me so, so well....~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the reason why the GC usernames didn’t show up during chrollo’s and Hisoka’s PM was because the usernames were only set in the group chat itself, and they dm’d each other outside of it.
> 
> Also.. would you guys liked if I wrote a little follow up something with Chrollo and Hisoka spying on Kurapika and Illumi at Starbucks? 👀


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [chain sister] ; WE SHOWED THEM WHO’S BOSS. 
> 
> [tea thrower] ; GIRLY YES WE DID.
> 
> [User ‘lightning mcking’ is now online. Say hi!]
> 
> [lightning mcking] ; Kurapika what the fuck you broke my brother 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Support me on Kofi! (I do commissions!) ; ko-fi.com/kurapiika  
> Comment below what other characters I should bring in. Kudos are much appreciated! ❤️

* * *

_  
“Hisoka, Be careful there. You don’t want them to see you.”_

The ravenette spoke through the speaker of his phone, leaning against the wall with a small, yet present sly grin.

_“Oh, You don’t need to worry about me..~ I have come prepared, you see. As a matter of fact, where are you? I’m in the area.”_

  
Hisoka didn’t put much effort into his disguise, really; his hair was down from its usual anti-gravity state, reaching down into a mullet-style that went to the back of his neck. Though, on the top of his head was a black fedora, and a black hoodie to top off his clothing. To be honest, it was easy to recognize the magician on the spot, though, who knew what to come?

After all, whatever happened was going to be very interesting, and his excitement couldn’t hold him back any longer. 

_“I’m by the side of the building. Don’t be late, it appears they’re already inside.”_

  
And Chrollo peeked into the window, where both Kurapika and Illumi were seated inside. A mere two-seater.

Any normal person would see it as two teenagers, or college students, per se studying over a cup of coffee, or even gossiping (The latter was a possibility, though they definitely weren’t teens or college students). Chrollo was intrigued, really, and he was sure Hisoka felt the same.

  
_“I’ll see you soon.”_

  
Chrollo hung up the phone, sliding it into the pocket of his grey, baggy yet stylish sweatpants.   
His hair was down by its side, no longer slicked back, with a Nike (Not sponsored, by the way,) sweat band to cover up the tattoo on his forehead. Of course, he didn’t want to seem too out of the ordinary, more on the casual side, so he took in the look of a normal athlete. With the sweatpants, tank top, sneakers, and the Nike logo to top it all off, his disguise was fool proof.

Within a span of Minutes, The spider-head heard approaching footsteps, which made his head turn at the sound. He wasn’t expecting anyone else, so it was no surprise that it was Hisoka, slowly stepping forward with slow steps. 

_“I’m glad you made it.”_   
_“Likewise, Hisoka.”_

The two met eyes, both having the same shine in them.  
 _“What are we waiting for, then? Life isn’t moving any slower. After all.. I’m sure we’re missing out on their intriguing conversation. Allow us to go inside.”_

  
“ _Certainly.”_ Hisoka narrowed his eyes in amusement, turning to the entrance to open the door, With Chrollo following suit shortly after.

The glass entrance door rung with the bell of their entrance, and swiftly closed shut behind the two.   
_“Hey, Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get for you?”_ An feminine unamused voice spoke, though it immediately came to a surprised one, _“Chrollo—“_

_“Machi,”_ Honestly, Chrollo didn’t even know the pink haired girl worked at Starbucks. Even less, had a job. But hey, you learn something new every day.

_“Not so loud. We have a mission to accomplish. Keep yourself quiet, please.”_

  
Machi took a daggered glare to his accomplice, who only gave a seductive looking wave towards her way. _“Yeah, Sure. What do you guys want?”_

_“Your number, please.~”_ Hisoka leaned his elbow over the counter.

_“Won’t you do me such pleasure? Say... It’s been such a while since we’ve seen each other. Last time we have, you’ve used your delightful Nen threads... Oh, I love watching you do that.~”_

“ _I’m here to take your *drink* order, not deal with this. Either tell me what you want, or sit down somewhere.”_

_“Fine, Fine. Such a cold heart.”_ Hisoka shook it off with a flip of his wrist. _“I’ll get a strawberry frappe, Grande, please.”_

  
_“I’ll get whatever you find good. Surprise me.”_ Chrollo wasn’t exactly here for the drinks, so he really didn’t care too much. _“Just call our drink orders when they’re ready, don’t say the names. Do you understand?”_

“ _Clear_.”

The strawberry haired girl scoffed, straightening her green apron and going to make their requests. To be honest, they were more simple than the number of complex orders she had to deal with, and she was honestly glad.

And what did she get Chrollo? A water. She didn’t like the sweetness of the drinks they served, so that’s pretty much what she fancied the majority of the time. But hey, she was generous to give him a pump of chocolate syrup.

_“Grande Strawberry frappe, and a... Venti sized Chocolate water.”_

She called, setting the drinks down in the pick-up line. 

_“Thank you, Machi. We’ll see each other soon.”_ Chrollo picked up his drink, walking off to one of the far tables, though one of the closest ones to the pair they came to spy on. _“We’ll cross paths once again, won’t we~? Goodbye, my dear.”_

Hisoka spared a closed eye smile, waving goodbye as he walked off to follow Chrollo. And meanwhile, Machi just cringed.

The two of them sat down, sipping their drinks in solitude as they opened their ears to listen to the two sitting at the table ahead. 

“ _So, Kurapika, what things have you been up to lately?”_

Kurapika had his phone under the table, texting,

[ **blonde ice cream twink** ] ; someone help he hasn’t blinked for the last 30 minutes 

“ _Kurapika_?”

“ _Oh,”_ he quickly set his phone down, looking back up to the other, _“I wouldn’t say anything to take note of. How is your relationship with Hisoka going?”_

_“Fairly, He’s quite an idiot.”_

_“I’m not surprised.”_

_“It’s not very fun when your boyfriend keeps attempting to flirt with a 12 year old. I already told him, ‘Keep your filthy circus hands off of my younger brother’, but he refuses to comply. It’s quite a pain, especially when he attempts to go for his friend.”_

_“How do you find him attractive?”_

_“He has a big-“_

Hisoka quietly whistled in the back, obviously getting the idea. 

_“OKAY. That’s enough of that subject.”_

_“What? He has a big personality.”_

_“Oh.”_

Kurapika took a sip of his pumpkin latte, awkwardly peering off to the side. 

_“Are you and Leorio dating yet? He’s quite the dumb one... Oh, how silly of me. We haven’t even talked about our ways of revenge yet. What are your ideas?”_

_“Wh— No, I could never!! Dating such a disgraceful man... I wouldn’t dare. The first time I met him, he was reading a nude magazine. Why on earth would I do such a thing? If anything, I would be lowering my own standards.”_  
Illumi gave the look of ‘just give it time’.

_“So you’d rather date Chrollo? After him asking you out for the 47th time counting?”_

_“I’d rather shove a pistol to the back of my throat, pull the trigger, and suffocate myself with the stuffing of a Build-A-Bear. And those revenge plans...”_

_“That works as a revenge method as well.”_ Illumi shrugged his shoulders, pulling up his rose colored sunglasses that were over his eyes to the top of his head, _“At this rate, we’d have all sorts of ideas.”_

* * *

_“Say, Hisoka, Should we expose ourselves? Seeing the look on their faces would make this all the better.”_

“ _Again, You know me so well...~_ ” Hisoka stood up. 

Chrollo stood up as well, and stepped the lead into approaching the table.

_“Why hello, Gentlemen. How is your Starbucks visit going?”_ The spider gave a friendly seeming smile.

“ _And you two are..?”_ Illumi raised an eyebrow, with Kurapika in the same state of confusion; They obviously didn’t see through the disguises.

_“What does it seem to be~?”_  
Hisoka only grinned, assuming they were playing dumb. But little did he know, they were absolutely clueless.

_“A man with a fedora and a sweaty looking man.”_  
Illumi spoke up.

Hisoka took off the black fedora, putting it behind his back, while Chrollo took the sweatband off of his forehead.

_“Hisoka?! Chrollo?!”_

  
Kurapika gripped his hot latte in the confines of his fingers, rather _tightly_.   
“ _What are you two doing here?!”_

_“What does it appear to be_?” The no-longer disguised spider spoke.

_“I don’t know, Genius. Why don’t you share it with the class?_ ” Illumi honestly wasn’t that fazed; only taking a sip of his iced tea. 

_“We should go, Illumi. And before that,”_  
Kurapika took the top off of the lid of his steaming hot coffee.

_“Girl, No you don’t,”_   
_“Girl, Yes I am.”_

they well on knew they were NOT girls, though this is Starbucks. What else would they say? 

Kurapika and Illumi shared glances, before Illumi took the lid off of his drink.   
They both threw the drinks onto both Hisoka and Chrollo, and Immediately left, after saying,

_“Spying on us was a bad idea. I hope you’re happy with yourselves.”_

Chrollo had to say, having burning hot coffee on his skin wasn’t a satisfying feeling, but it didn’t take him long to say,  
 _“Satisfied, Hisoka?”_

  
_“Very.”_

* * *

[User ‘ **blonde ice cream twink** ’ has _changed_ ‘ **bubble guppy** ’ ‘s username to ‘ **Tea thrower** ’ .]

[user ‘ **tea thrower** ’ has _changed_ ‘ **blonde ice cream twink** ’ ‘s username to ‘ **chain sister** ‘.]

[ **chain sister** ] ; GIRLLLL

[ **tea thrower** ] ; SISSSS

[ **chain sister** ] ; WE SHOWED THEM WHO’S BOSS. 

[ **tea thrower** ] ; GIRLY YES WE DID.

[User ‘ **lightning mcking** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **lightning mcking** ] ; Kurapika what the fuck you broke my brother 

[User ‘ **RonaldMcdonald** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[ **RonaldMcdonald** ] ; No, they just went to Starbucks. And threw a mixture of coffee and tea at us, while sashaying out. 

[User ‘ **Christianspidergod** ’ is now _online_. Say Hi!]

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; wow Kurapika, your burning hot coffee burned my rippling hard abs........ wanna rub them for me? 😘😘😘

[ **chain sister** ] ; I hope you fall into a meat grinder while being suffocated by your own breast tissue 

[User ‘ **doctor stupid** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; this is why I love you

[ **chain sister** ] ; I don’t

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; screw you brat

[ **chain sister** ] ; burn in hell.

[ user ‘ **dirt eating 1st grader** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; mamapika and daddy-orio aren’t getting along???? 🥺🥺💔💔💔💔

  
[ **lightning mcking** ] ;😃🔪 choose your next actions carefully

**[chain sister** ] ; NO GON PLWASE DONT CRY WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND WE LOVE YOU

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; YES MUAH MUAH WE GET ALONG SO WELL!! 

  
[ **lightning mcking** ] ; damn right. 

  
[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; yay!! You guys love each other right? Don’t parents go on dates and stuff? 

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; YES OFC DUHHH. CMON KURAPIKA WE’Re GOING OUT LIKE THE GOOD PARENTS WE ARE.

[ **chain sister** ] ; YES WE’RE SO IN LOVE GON PLEASE DONT CRY 

* * *

  
[This is a _private_ conversation between User ‘@ **GonFreecss** ’ and ‘@ **IllumiZoldyck** ’.]

@ **IllumiZoldyck** ; Hello, strange dirt eating child. I’ll pay you 50 dollars to find some way to set up Leorio and Kurapika.

@ **GonFreecss** ; lmfao bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAAHAH WHOEVER GOT THE “PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!” REFERENCE I LOVE YOU   
> And did Machi spit in hisoka’s drink? That’s a secret I’ll never tell 🤫


	4. Kurta Ambush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [mumsy] ; awooga
> 
> [chain user] ; back off mom that’s my fucking man 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Support me on Kofi! (I do commissions!) ; ko-fi.com/kurapiika  
> Comment below what other characters I should bring in. Kudos are much appreciated! ❤️

[User ‘doctor stupid’ is now online. Say hi!]

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; **@chain sister**

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; **@chain sister**

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; **@chain sister**

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; **@chain sister**

[User ‘ **chain sister** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **chain sister** ] ; thank you, Leorio. For disrupting the small amount of sleep I get. What do you want? 

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; I just wanted to say hi smh, thank you for being such a good friend 😃

[ **chain sister** ] ; Okay that’s sweet. 🥺👏 you, gon, and Killua are all very dear to me.

[c][User ‘ **pairo-f eyes** ’ has _joined_ the group chat.]

[ **chain sister** ] ; P,,,, PAI,,,, PAIRO,,,, BESTIE,,,,,

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; what is this hello who are you what is this 

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; HOLY FUCK ITS A GHOST

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; ARENT YOU DEAD OR SUM

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; huh

[ **chain sister** ] ; I think I had too many shots of caffeine am I hallucinating 

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; Kurapika how is your dead best friend here

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; WAIT KURAPIKA THATS U?????? HI KURAPIKA!!!!!!!! :DDD 

[ **chain sister** ] ; PAIRO I MISSED U HOW ARE YOU ALIVE

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; wdym I never died also ur mom says hi

[User ‘ **Christianspidergod** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; fuck there’s more

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; how did y’all survive. First this hot delicious mamas beautiful fucking piece of sexy survived, now there’s another one??? **@chain sister** u gon tell him what happened in the car or

[ **chain sister** ] ; NAH NAH CUT THE CAMERAS. WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THE CAR. 

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; ur mom and I ran to live in the forest and we joined a pack of wolves 

[ **chain user** ] ; well shit I thought I was badass

[ **chain user** ] ; where’s mumsy

[‘ **pairo-f eyes** ’ has _invited_ ‘ **mumsy** ’.]

[‘ **mumsy** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **mumsy** ] ; SON 

[ **chain user** ] ; MOTHER

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; ayo chain user ain’t it time to meet the parents before we get married 🥰🥰🥰

[ **chain user** ] ; fuck off

[ **mumsy** ] ; get away from my son 

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; please die

[ **christianspidergod** ] ; damn g I was just playin yall kurtas feisty 

[user ‘ **dirt eating 1st grader** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **dirt eating 1st grader** ] ; WOAAAAAAHH KURAPIKA YOU HAVE A MOM???

[ **chain user** ] ; well I had to have come out of somewhere

[ **chain user** ] ; so y’all telling me I went on a whole ass rampage just for you guys to live

[ **mumsy** ] ; no everyone else’s dead lol

[ **mumsy** ] ; including your father. I’m kinda glad because I was looking to marry a hot doctor instead 

[user ‘ **doctor stupid** ’ has sent an image.]

[ **mumsy** ] ; awooga

[ **chain user** ] ; back off mom that’s my fucking man 

[ **mumsy** ] ; didn’t mommy teach you to share . Sharing is caring 💋

[ **chain user** ] ; but I don’t care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The picture Leorio sent was of course, one of himself. I have no clue how to add pictures.   
> And aaa I love Kurapika’s mom she’s so pretty,,, so I felt like I had to incorporate her and pairo in here somehow. And for the sake of the fic, let’s say her name is Katrina.


	5. Ma’s still got it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katrina finds interest in a specific magician . 🤭

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character usernames  
> Chain sister/pika - Kurapika  
> Mumsy - Kurapika’s mom/Katrina  
> Ronaldmcdonald - hisoka  
> Lightning mcking - Killua  
> Doctor stupid - Leorio  
> Tea thrower - Illumi   
> Pairo-f eyes- pairo

[User ‘ **chain sister** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[‘User **chain sister** ’ has _changed_ their username to ‘ **Pika** ’]

[User ‘ **mumsy** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **mumsy** ] ; kuraapikkkaaaa Arent you gonna say hi to your mother 

[ **Pika** ] ; Hello mom :)

[ **mumsy** ] ; I raised a good son ily my little snookums mc tookums

[user ‘ **doctor stupid** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; snookums mc tookums

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; _SNOOKUMS MC TOOKUMS_

[ **Pika** ] ; Leorio if you don’t shut your giant orangutan mouth right this minute I will literally Chain you to the top of a bonfire and slowly lower you into the pit of flames

[ **mumsy** ] ; pika what did I tell you about the anger issuesssss 

[user ‘ **Ronaldmcdonald** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **ronaldmcdonald** ] ; Hello everyone, isn’t today just delightful? ~ ⭐️

[ **mumsy** ] ; ooh la la you’re radiating seggsy energy 

[user ‘ **Tea thrower** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **tea thrower** ] ; He’s married.

[ **mumsy** ] ; so was I you ain’t special boo

[ **Pika** ] ; Mom stop

[ **Pika** ] ; this is so disturbing to watch 

[ **mumsy** ] ; shhh you’re just mad mama’s still got it

[ **RonaldMcdonald** ] ; Ah, so you’re kurapika’s mother? ~😘💧⭐️ Illumi, I say let the woman talk. ;)

[ **Tea thrower** ] ; No.

[ **mumsy** ] ; even your husband wants me 💋 xoxo just mad you aren’t me

[ **Pika** ] ; MOM STOP

[user ‘ **pairo-f eyes** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **Pairo-f eyes** ] ; no please continue this is interesting 

[ **Ronaldmcdonalds** ] ;🥰🥰🥰🥰

[user ‘ **lightning mcking** ’ is now _online_. Say hi!]

[ **Lightning mcking** ] ; pika are my eyes shitting me right now or is your mom trying to get with this creepy ass pedophile clown

[ **tea thrower** ] ; I’m about to beat this bitch up

[ **mumsy** ] ; don’t get mad. 💕 i haven’t even seen you and I can already tell you look like a crack addicted grandpa on steroids 

[user ‘ **tea thrower** ’ is now offline.]

[ **Pika** ] ; .

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; LMFAOO IM CRYIGN

[ **RonaldMcdonald** ] ; _**@mumsy**_ , you definitely have guts, don’t you? 💗 oh, how I like you already....

[ **mumsy** ] ; call me Katrina bb 

[ **Lightning McKing** ] ; GUYS ILLUMI IS THROWING SHIT IN HIS ROOM IM SCREAMINT UWGSWHSGWAHAHA 

[ **pairo-f eyes** ] ; It’s all fun and games until pika realizes he has a new future step dad

[ **pika** ] ; I am uncomfortable with the energy we’ve created in the studio today

[ **mumsy** ] ; what did I say. Ma’s still got it 

[ **doctor stupid** ] ; guys I was laughing so hard I spilled my coffee all over my college doctor-y textbooks 

[ **lightning mcking** ] ; guess you live up to your username 

[ **ronaldmcdonald** ] ; is it possible to be married to two people? 😩💧❤️

[ **mumsy** ] ; shawty I don’t. minddddd

[ **Pika** ] ; MOM OLEASE

[user ‘ **tea thrower** ’ is now _online_. Say hi! ] 

[ **tea thrower** ] ; Hisoka, I am divorcing you.

[ **ronaldmcdonald** ] ; no pls ur so hot bae😍💗💋 there’s enough of me to go around. 💧⭐️ besides, how can I pass up the opportunity to be a father? 😘

[ **lightning mcking** ] ; wow pika your mom’s rlly living the y/n life

[ **mumsy** ] ; please, call me Katrina. :)

[ **pika** ] ; how to disown your own mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen to this “love triangle”...? AAHAHAH I LAUGHED THE ENTIRE TIME WHILE WRITIMG


End file.
